’Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the SEC
Not a team was stirring, not even the offense of Tennessee
Lights were turned low and fans calmed after expectations so high
Many felt chewed up and spit out like spoiled pumpkin pie

Flaws were exposed by the most dominant league
But not before we were treated to loads of intrigue
A title game without any sight of Saint Nick
Oh how the mighty have fallen oh so quick

Brian Kelly came from the North with hopes of fitting in
He won the West, though Coach O was certainly no twin
Billy Napier arrived to clean up the mess from Mullen
But Gator fans still were left with a mood of sullen

Kentucky’s Christmas came early with a dub in The Swamp
Though snowfall against Vandy brought an embarrassing romp
The Dores are finally on the board in SEC play
They weren’t even the conference’s worst some would say

The Aggies started with a class so rich, according to Sliced Bread
This was the year A&M would finally break through, or so they said
Losses piled up with an offense that sputtered
Jimbo’s buyout became more maddening with each excuse he uttered

“NOW DICKEY! NOW COLEY! NOW JOHNSON AND WEIGMAN!
ON, WIDEOUTS! ON, O-LINE! ON ALL OF THESE FRESHMEN!
To the top of the recruiting rankings! To the top of the state!
Now, Gig ‘em! Gig ‘em, I say! Enough with all this hate!

There was more angst than usual calling the Hogs
They were far from elite, unlike the Dawgs
Not the ones in Starkville, who tragically lost their pilot
Long live the Air Raid and long live The Pirate

Leach, Harsin, Drink and Beamer all fell short of Smart
UGA fans finally stopped debating whether Stetson should start
A historic encore meant beating everyone under the sun
Jalen Carter destroyed backfields while holding up the number one

There was no debate about that, though Josh Heupel certainly tried
“The rain changed the game” was what Vol Twitter pathetically cried
Perfection was no more after a Playoff-hopeful start for Tennessee
But all hope was lost on that wild night in Willy B

The year was most merry for those in red and black
Another Playoff berth for the Dawgs, who vowed they’d be back
There was neither a Tide to stop nor a G.O.A.T to be dethroned
Stetson took flight and even had his Heisman invite bemoaned

Fifteen lost to the NFL Draft and yet no portal was needed
Now if only Smart could join the recent greats who repeated
Saban, Osborne and Carroll all got it done
But to do it in the Playoff era would be second to none

As Christmas approached, a feast awaited under Georgia’s tree
The Dawgs were still hungry, which everyone could see
Smart’s eyes widened as he gazed at the end of his feet
He belted out in the night “ALL I WANNA DO IS EAT!”

Smart’s stomach growled, still focused on the game up next
In his pocket, a buzz sounded after receiving a text
Puzzled, Smart looked down as his lips began to moisten
A midnight message from Lane Kiffin read “Don’t eat any rat poison!”